Lend me your ear for a sec.

[smugsmilz]

Ive been doing much personal inventory lately and a couple of things have popped up, especially after reading a thread about the most visiable Gothardite family I know of-the Duggars on a different board.

So out of that inventory, I would like to ask you a couple of questions that have been weighing on my mind:

1. After your time in Gothardism, do you find it hard to make and keep friends outside of that lifestyle?

2. If you do have friends from outside of that lifestyle, do you tell them about your former life?
Do you feel that they understand or is it more of a 'vacant smile and nod'?

3. If you find yourself isolated, is it because you choose to isolate yourself or because you find you can not interact with the general public because maybe you feel 'too screwed up'?

4. Do you feel that you will ever 'move on' (translate that for yourself    )

5. How are you today, now, in this moment with coping with leaving this lifestyle? Have you seen a progression in the healing from leaving Gothards teachings? If so, will you share with me the time line of sorts that you have experienced?

6. Has there been an event in your life in which you have experienced a realization that you are at peace with your decision to walk away? If so, will you share with me?

7. Have you found a new community to mesh with or are you kind of a lone wolf?

I know these are personal questions but I am genuinely curious to hear how you all are doing.

Its years later and both my hubby and I find ourselves still dealing with fall out from Gothardism. There are times that I wish that I could dialog with you all about this. More so to see how everyone is coping, if they are coping, or just to be there to listen.

Anyhoo...if you would like to answer, I would be appreciative.

[smugsmilz]

aww c'mon! Someone? Anyone?

[encourager]

Should I answer all the questions? I may be able to answer some of them.

Yes, I find it hard to make friends and keep them, but I think part of it is just me and not that I was under the influence of Gothard's teachings. I can relate to the outside world, but that is because I wasn't fully indoctrinated.

I do have a problem with those that think I should quickly get over the past, even though there is some truth to what they say. I believe I should not let the past hold me back, but yet realize it takes time to heal.

It is hard to fit in after being Gothardized. It is like going to a foreign country. You have to learn the culture, the language, and the way everyone does things. It isn't just the media and entertainment that makes me uncomfortable, it is the way people talk, think and act. I can't speak for others, but it took me a lot of retraining. It believe I am still in the process of recovering.

[Semirrahge]

After the bloody mess was cleaned up, these days most of my IBLP friends (including the X-er ones) see me as something of a radical; bound by nothing, beholden to no one, a being of Chaos and Anarchy.

I don't give a rip. The more people gripe at me, the more I know I'm broadening my horizons because my freedoms illustrate their bondage.

All that to say that my way of life is in all likelyhood NOT right for you. If I had a family or even a girlfriend, I'd be a little more restrained and less devil-may-care.

However, I'm fed up with the smilingly hypocritical backstabbing of Christians. I'm a metalhead and goth. I wear the black-and-chrome of the underworld, enjoy a well-done tattoo and find nothing personally disturbing about cross-dressers or homosexuality.

Most of my best female friends are Bi, incidentally, though this is more by providence rather than choice.

If I am to be persecuted for my faith in God and His Son, I'd rather it be to my face and from my Master's enemies than have a part in the constant infighting and bickering that plagues the Church.

The vast majority of my friends are non-Christian, hard-drinking and substance-abusing. They wear dark clothes, listen to dark music and have eyes full of pain and suffering.
I have about 5-8 friends that I consider to be truly Christian and living lives as wholly dedicated to God as I strive for mine to be.

I find it difficult to be accepted anywhere, even among those groups who would initially claim me as their own (Christians, Goths). I'm too different.

To Christians, I'm a radical liberal that fringes on heresy. To the Goths, I'm an enigma wrapped in cool black. They don't understand me - but unlike Christians, so long as I give them their space they don't give a damn about what I believe. I like that - plus it means that they'll listen to God's wisdom if I put it in the right words - and they'll never see it coming.

But, in the long run, I know I've chosen the most difficult path. Few friends, many sacrifices, and no one to share my path with but my Lord and Master, who leads me along my way.

But I know in my heart of hearts that I've bought something far greater in value than what I've given up. The way is strait, companions almost nonexistant - but the reward has been more valuable than I can put into words.