Forgiving Gothard

[encourager]

I believe that one of the most important keys toward healing from this destructive ministry is forgiveness. Jesus taught us on many occasions that we must forgive all those who wrong us. Forgiving Gothard does not mean that we are condoning his ministry or that we agree with the wrong that his ministry has done. It is however allowing God to take over and let him have our hurts instead of trying to deal with the situation ourselves. Love keeps no record of wrongs. When we keep a record of wrongs, rage and anger can build up inside and destroy us.

I believe healing cannot take place in my life unless I choose to forgive Gothard and all those envolved in his ministry that have caused hurt and abuse. This is a hard thing to do, but with God's help it can happen.

[smugsmilz]

I dont think we have heard this before.

[encourager]

Yea, I think it sounds like a broken record.

I think what I really need to ask is how do I forgive?

[smugsmilz]

heh heh...broken records make for great art.

As for your question, in my never humble opinion, you figure it out as you go.

[encourager]

I still collect records. Not broken ones.

I just want to get rid of the old bagage in my life.

[smugsmilz]

So let it go.

Great thing about baggage. Come equipped with handles so that you can either choose to hold onto them or to let go.

Why are you over thinking this? I dont mean that crassly.
I mean, why over complicate it. Didnt you burn out on a complicate life in Gothardism?
Live well. Dont worry about getting the forgiveness thing right. It will happen when it happens.

[Been There]

I have found - at least for me - that forgiveness means being OK and at peace with that person.  Not OK with what they did or what they are doing.  But being OK with them because they are God's children too.  Does this make sense??

[smugsmilz]

Live and let live, Rachel?

[encourager]

Yea, I think you are right. I tend to make it into too serious of a thing. I need to lighten up a bit. Dwelling in the past is not a good thing.

[Calmate]

Good thoughts here.  What makes it hard to just "forgive and forget" (as the simplistic expressions goes) is when your own mother is still MILITANT about the principles of Gothardism...when families in your church are causing disruption by confronting women who wear jeans, work outside of the home...when your brother-in-law is on the verge of banning you from seeing the nephews because you have a "rebellious outlook" on life.   That's when you start to get angry and forgiveness is a process.  

I agree with you on the shrug your shoulders bit and move one.  Doesn't mean I don't fight feelings of bitterness off when I come in contact with the above situations.  

[Chrstnghtmr]

There are different definitions of what "forgiveness" is.


"Forgiving" does not mean "joining their religion/church/group/cult/doctrines."

Forgiving does not mean that it's ok to abuse children nor that it's ok to cover up child abuse.

Forgiving does not mean "going back and submitting" to someone's so-called authority.

For me, I feel I can forgive my parents and family, however, I do not forgive their beliefs/doctrines and I will not tolerate further abuse. I believe that the truth needs to be exposed. People need to see through errornious and destructive doctrines and teachings including Bill Gothard's.

[Anonymous]

To me, forgiving doesn't always mean forgetting, even when I want very much for that to be so.  Forgiveness means that I can look a bastard in the face and say, "YOu know what, no matter what you did to me, I've thought it over, and you don't owe me a thing anymore.  I'm done and I'm walking away, not searching you out for what it was you did owe me."  ANd then I'm free.

[smugsmilz]

You now what I find to be difficult about complicating forgiveness?
This ideal that we are somehow responsible for how someone else chooses to live.
It too heavy a load for me to carry to think that I have to convert those still living out Gothardism.
I think the greatest forgiveness towards Gothardism is living freely.
Those other people, they will either spontaniously combust from living with those rules or they will come around eventually.
Its my obligation to God to live well, free and its an obligation I take considerable pleasure in.

[granolagoddess]

I am bitter, I admit it. I even wrote gothard a personal email telling him he ruined my life. No response from him...as expected. I don't dwell on it most days, but have been fixated on it lately. Don't know why. I actually ahve a very good life, now. But, sometimes, at 2am( that's the time right now) I become morose and introspective and have these existential crises that manifest in circular logic that feeds only bitterness.  ~:(

[VeganHunter]

Forgiveness as preached by BG and my father always felt wrong to me.

My new understanding of forgiveness is: letting go of expectations.  So by that definition, I guess I've "forgiven" BG!  I don't expect him to make amends, I don't expect him to recognize damage he's done.  I don't expect him to hold anyone else accountable for damage they've done.  Heck, I don't even know if he's still alive!

Reading back in the thread, my understanding of forgiveness matches that of Anonymous Sept 05 2006.  I don't, however, feel a need to share this release with the person in question.