My brother

[Jason]

I was in ATI and never liked it but no one took it harder than my oldest brother who was ten when we joined ATI in 1994. It was hard for him to change the habits he was in that were not bad, just un-ati. Now, to say anything to his parents that they didn't like was considered a sign of rebellion. It all ended up wth him getting kicked out of the house for a dumb reason at 16. His life has never been the snme since. He has been in using drugs, smoking, cussing and a lot of other stuff i never will know about.

I don't blame ATI for what my brother is doing now. But I blame them for driving a wedge between my parents and my siblings. Us boys will probably never have a normal relationship with our parents because of that.

[Anonymous]

I know what you mean about not having a normal relationship with your parents.  People always look at me like I'm crazy when I tell them nonchalantly that I'm not close to my mom at all. It seems sad that the organization that claims to be the paragon of Christian family relationships turns out families that can't relate to each other.  I can't imagine what it's like for my non-ati friends who have excellent relationships with their parents. What's THAT like?

[Anonymous]

Jason.

I understand what you mean, too. While I wasn't in ATI my wife was. Her Mom was and still is a bitter person and ATI seemed to give her justification to continue to be bitter and unjust. It really affected our dating relationship and caused us to work through so pretty tough issues about grace. Even today she and I don't have a good relationship with her mom. But because of what happened, we were chalanged with a lot of stuff which God has really used to make us closer.

I know it has to be hard to see you brother so far off. It still amazes me that God uses these things for his glory. I'm sure glad it's not up to me.

[Jason]

i know, it seems odd to me how anyone can have a close relationship with their parents now. and my mom is still her ATIO self caling me rebellious when i don't agree with her even though we have been out of the program for 4 years now.

[VeganHunter]

Jason, sorry to hear about your mom.  I hope that she'll be able to let go of the programmed thinking at some point.  

I don't think that I'd have had a great relationship with my parents even without ATI.  They sought out the program b/c it gave them a structure, a sense of security that they were doing the right thing.  If it hadn't been ATI, it would have been something else.

I hope your brother is able to find a balance at some point.  I've had a few drinks, smoked a few cigarettes and spewed a few curse words in my time but haven't hurt anyone in the process.  (Well, except when I yelled at my XH and complained about "his /bleep/ing country".)

[Jason]

ATI focuses way too much on "children obey your parents" and not, "fathers do not provoke your children." With that type of thinking they are hurting people.

[Anonymous]

i'd definitely have to say that my family faced no greater tension and anger than when we first joined ATI. several things happened within those first few months that have caused me to not fully trust my parents. granted, i asked for a lot of the punishment because i'm naturally independent and stubborn, but before ATI i got along great with both my mom and dad.

the one thing i'm grateful for is the fact that my parents are seeing how ATI/IBLP wsn't the way to go. we're all on the same page now, but it's taken us a few years to get back to the place where we left off before we joined ATI.

[kimimila]

^ crap. that was me. ^

[Jason]

anon #3. you are blessed. the relationship between my parents and us kids will never be the same until us kids are grown and have kids of our won.

[EternalNight]

I relate all too well to your brother.  I'm not a drug user or anything, but I'm a ball of angst these days, full of hatred for my past that I can only hope to get rid of someday.  I'm overflowing with traumatic events in my past, a good chunk of which have to do with ATI.  I'm not ashamed of the hatred I bear, either--in a perfect world, I could transfer the utter emotional torture onto those who caused it in me, and then work out the anger and go on with life happily.  I know that probably sounds bad...

I was kicked out of my house at 16, as well.  I'm Bipolar, and that's why.  I stressed my mom out with mood swings and with my refusal to be crushed with control ever again after leaving Eagle Springs. (I'll allow control..but not tyranny.)

[iapryx]

I fought back while I was there.  I hated them all.  I wanted to shoot them.  I still prolly hold some of that in today, but I'm not bitter, just angry because of what they're still doing to other teens like me and other families and also because what they did to me still carries over to this day.

I talk to my parents, and they do love me, but it still does feel strange, like someone learning a new hobby.  Sort of like learning to breathe, which reminds me of a song by Switchfoot of the same name that all X-Atiers should hear.  It describes our predicament in detail.

But yeah, I hate the whole structure.  The hardest person to get to know nowadays is... well, me.  I don't have a firm concept of who I am.  A cog in a machine?  No.  Then what?  The answers are just words, I'm afraid.  The programing goes deep and will take a while.  I just try not to give up.

[MayTheForce]

Walking up the stairs in the stairwells at Indy, I would sometimes catch myself thinking in terms of "bad words" - words my parents had taught me not to say.  When I would think about certain things that Leadership had said / done, I would catch myself saying (whispering or thinking) some strong words ... That surprised me.  I never have been one to utter swear / curse words aloud, and never thought in those terms until I came to Indy.  ... I never thought of "shooting" them or hurting them at all, only of running away, and most of all, of not trusting them, not believing them, not letting their words / deeds affect me, not letting them break my will.

[Maryjun]

Jason I very much understand you and I sympathise. I too have a younger brother and I very much worry about his life and I do not want that it to himselfh as broken all